~a LOT a bit stronger~

Today, I was driving Rylee to daycare in Odessa. This is an everyday occurance, and as she is sitting in the backseat watching "Horton Hears A Who" I am listening to the local country station and a new song comes on that I haven't heard. I listen to every genre of music, but country has been my go to lately. I turned up the volume to hear the words, and I'm listening and I almost start crying because this song is my life. This song had to have been written by me in my sleep and some country writer snuck in and wrote down the lyrics as I was talking in my sleep. This song is my life in music form! I know not everyone can relate to this song, but I also know a lot of people can. I never thought that this song would be the story of my heartache and my journey to finding myself. I am SO happy to say that I am not only a little bit stronger, but a LOT a bit stonger!! I still have weak days, but they are fewer and farther between!

Some of you know, some of you don't, and some of you may not care or agree...but I filed for divorce from Chance yesterday. This is a HUGEEEEE step in me getting stronger. I can't hold onto him, and his hurt forever. I know I am not the initiator of this divorce, but we have been seperated for 20 months now. Neither of us want to get back together, and just letting things float along is not good for either of us. I am happy to say that it was almost a relief. It is sad, it will always be sad to me. Rylee's parents are never going to be together. I am sad for her, but I know it is much better than her being exposed to parents that hate each other. I am hopeful that Chance and I can remain friends for Rylee. Rylee Emily Watson is my strength to get through the days. She is the most precious, wonderful, amazing, beautiful creation...and even though all the destruction and turmoil that Chance and I went through...a beautiful creature was a result of it. She makes it easy to get stronger!!

So...getting stronger has not been the easiest thing...it has taken time...MONTHS and MONTHS..but let me tell you...I am BETTER off now! I am a strong woman and nobody is going to hold me back! Getting stronger everyday!!

Here are the lyrics to "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sara-evans-lyrics/a-little-bit-stronger-lyrics.html)

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger